Are you having too much sex?
A good romp in the sack with the partner of our choosing has a myriad of benefits for the mind and body, but when it starts to become a ‘quest’ of sorts, you have to start asking yourself how much is too much sex?
Prevention shares the story of Shannon* (name has been changed to protect privacy), a now 29-year old who had to seek one-on-one therapy after engaging with multiple sexual partners over a three-year period.
“I think one of my tipping points was when my friend told me she didn’t want to share a drink with me at a bar because I made out with a stranger, and she didn’t want to get a disease,” she said.
She shared that it all seemed fun and empowering, until she went through a pregnancy scare and acquired a sexually transmitted disease, and found herself unable to keep track of which of her partners might have given it to her.
Sex addiction or hypersexual disorder is characterized by persistent, escalating thoughts about sex and sexual actions that negatively impacts an individual, according to The Ranch, a facility engaged in helping to educate and treat people with many types of addiction.
The experts at The Ranch add that “most sex addicts do not know how to achieve genuine intimacy, forming little or no attachment to their sexual partners.”
“As sexual preoccupation increases in terms of energy and time, the sex addict follows a routine or ritual leading to acting out on desires,” it said on their website.
And Shannon did exactly just that, scoping out prospective partners nearly every day of the week.
“Mondays were nice for dates because they broke up the boredom of the first day back to work. Tuesdays were good for casual hookups, too. I’d go out under the guise of Tuesday Brewsday. Most men love beer, not to mention a woman who drinks it.
Wednesdays were perfect for going out with someone I met on Saturday without looking too desperate, unless of course, I had already slept with him that past weekend.
Thursdays were my favorite: great bar specials and only one more day to the weekend .We’d talk about weekend plans, get silly drunk before 9 PM, have sex, and then I’d take the last train home,” said Shannon.
Sex addiction can become detrimental because if left unchecked, it can eventually cause the sufferer to feel that the pursuit of sex becomes more important than family, career and even personal health and safety, added The Ranch.
Other signs of sex addiction and its many types can be read up here
Shannon adds she was happy she discovered cognitive behavioral therapy, and found out that seeking sex had become her way to “combat feeling weak and afraid” after traumatic events in her younger years.
She added that currently, she has healthier alternatives to focus her attention on, and going on dates means getting to know the person more for a few months before engaging in sex.
“I’m putting my energy toward marathon training, and have lost three pounds by replacing sex with running. I get dressed up for me, and think about how I feel in clothes, and not what other people think about how I look in them. It’s liberating.”
Shannon believes one is on the right path in managing their sexual urges if they can ask themselves if they’ll be fine with not having sex for a while.
“Do I want to have sex right now? Yes. But can I survive today if I don’t? Absolutely.”