Right in the middle of life, do you find yourself wondering: “Is it really rare to be truly, genuinely happy?” or better yet, “Why do we equate being a singleton to being secretly miserable?”
In the age of oversharing on social media, the occasional “mom” comment inevitably pops up: You know the type, where an older person, who might not be too well-versed in the unspoken etiquette of online commenting, leaves a rather savage put down on something you thought was well constructed, sounded intelligent, or at the very least looked really really good.
A friend was victim to this recently. She posted something along the lines of being at a place of peace and happiness in her life; she was pursuing passions, involved in projects benefiting communities, and earning enough to be comfortable — and she wasn’t even 25 yet.
Then the little notification that someone was writing a comment shows up, and a piercing “Oh honey, that’s what single people say! ;)” appears, and judging from the commenter’s profile picture, was somebody pushing 60 and probably thought they were being funny.
My friend luckily is a good sport, and commented “Oh you!” with what I am sure was a reluctant smiling emoji.
Maybe it’s just me thinking too much into it, but with the exchange, I was privy — thanks to mind-numbing hours spent scrolling my feed — is it really so rare to declare you are single and happy?
What I’m trying to get at is why notions like these still persist even with major leaps for women in different fields; that without a man in the picture, your efforts at becoming a better person for yourself and for others are seemingly discredited.
I could even go on about how some people are in fulfilling, healthy relationships, but if it isn’t a traditional one (read: heterosexual), it’s still frowned upon. But we’d stray too far.
The notion that you can’t possibly be completely happy without a relationship is archaic, sexist, and damaging, and it’s worse when pushed on you by people, especially women; that you may have looked up to at some point.
And no, it’s not acceptable retorting “Oh I was just being funny!” “Oh I didn’t mean it that way” “Oh you’re so sensitive,” if confronted about why you would comment such damaging things about a person finally happy with themselves without a relationship.
Call it their values; call it projecting their insecurities onto you, or if they are just plain rubbing it in, remember you are a unicorn among common donkeys (not that there’s anything wrong with donkeys, they’re adorable), so continue getting better, more beautiful, and more successful with your single self, and if someone comes along that can keep up with that, then work it out from there.